Sigh!

Posted by Me Thu, 29 Dec 2005 05:54:00 GMT

Sorry I haven’t posted in so long. I meant to post sooner but life suddenly decided to get insanely crazy. Where to begin!

I guess I’ll start by wishing everyone out there a very belated Merry Christmas! Mine was decidedly not fun and just got worse from there. The Friday before X-mas Eve I got me some Strep Throat. Of course, at the time, I didn’t realize I did. I just thought I was coming down with something. I went to sleep only to “awake” with the worst sore throat in the world. Every time I tried to swallow I wanted to kick something/someone around me. (No worries, no one got hurt! I only ended up making an ugly cringing face and semi-jerk with my foot at every swallow) Well, considering I was utterly miserable and was due at my in-laws for X-mas Eve, I asked LOML to take me to the Dr right when I got up. We live 5 mins from a brand-spanking new Hospital so we decided to forego wretched UMC Quick Room (which doesn’t open until 8am anyways) and went to the Hospital’s ER instead. We got there around 6am. No one was there and we were ushered in and out pretty quickly. The Dr on call was nice and agreed that I had got me some Strep so he gave me some prescriptions for Penicilin Antibiotics and some Tylenol w/ Codeine for the pain. For the rest of the day I was in and out of my Codeine-induced haze. I decided to keep this little Strep Gift to myself so no in-law visiting for today. LOML was sweet as always and took care of me but making sure that he was keeping a distance as well. No need to get him sick as well.

By X-mas Morning, I was feeling better. My in-laws called and made sure to tell us to stop by at my BIL’s if I felt up to it. They weren’t worried about catching it since I had already been on the antibiotics for 24 hours by then. So, with that in mind, I spruced myself up, took 3 more codeine pills, and off we went.

X-mas was fun. We had some yummy omelets and opened gifts. About 3 hours into the festivities though I was fading…and fading fast. I started to droop on their couch and hence we made a quick exit. We skidaddled home where I proceeded to make some calls to my family in FL and my best friend in LA. I managed to get a quick nap in and then LOML treated me to a lovely dinner at our favorite French Restaurant. Sure, beats the crap I have been downing before then!

Monday started off well enough…well as good as can be expected. I forgot to mention that I ended up getting my period on X-mas Eve as well. So, yay for that, but nay IVF #2 is definitely on the horizon now. No miracle conception for me in December! Boo! Anyways, considering I got my period, I had to call Dr. Bow Tie’s Office and let them know the good news. They quickly ushered me in and took some blood (oh, how I missed that! NOT!!!!) and was put on Birth Control Pills again. The IVF Coordinator also gave me my schedule for IVF. I officially start the whole fun ride 1/13/06 with a possible Retrieval Date of 1/29/06 (yep, that’s right! Super Bowl Sunday! Oh joy!). Anyways, here we go again. I was happy to note that now all the nurses wear giant name tags on the scrubs!!! Yay for that. Maybe they read my blog and decided to end the misery for me and let their names be known! :) Goody!

After all the fun at Dr. Bow Tie’s, I went on home only to find LOML busy deconstructing our bed with a guy from Furniture Medic. We have some adjustable beds (yes, we’re a young and hip couple! Don’t judge cuz we have some adjustable beds. We’re TV Junkies so this allows us to get into the best position to view our nice 55 inch TV in the bedroom!). In any case, a part wasn’t working on the thing so the guy was there to fix in. Only he couldn’t since bigger parts were failing. In any case, after he left, we made sure our 2 cats were still in the house. They weren’t. One was but the boy cat was no were to be found. He gets freaked easily so we thought he went into hiding. We looked in all the usual places but couldn’t find him. We started to freak thinking he may have slipped out while the guy got something out of his truck. To make matters worse, outside there was a rager of a windstorm going on. Since we couldn’t find him inside we opted to see if he did slip out. Some of our neighbors tried to help but the wind was just too strong. We were panicking. Thought we lost our baby! We went back inside not knowing what to do when out of nowhere he plopped down from the top of the kitchen cabinets. He was hiding behind a plant! Boy, were we relieved! Nothing is more important to an infertile than her furbabies! I am so glad this one had a happy ending!

Don’t you think the excitement ended after that though! After all the missing cat hoopla, LOML got really sick with a stomach bug and ended up most of the day hunched over the toilet! Poor guy! He eventually got better but for awhile there it was pretty miserable.

Tuesday! Oh the hope we had for Tuesday. No Strep, both cats in da house, and LOML no longer puking! I mean come on we figured we’d be in the clear! All holiday madness averted. Nope, not so fast. Tuesday morning I got the dreaded call. The call no one wants to get. I learned of my grandfather’s stroke that morning. It happened the night before. I didn’t get many details just where he was etc. He’s 82, a spry and very active fellow for his age so this totally came out of the blue. LOML and I rushed to the hospital to see him. He seemed ok. Not great, but he was able to open his eyes and squeeze my hand. The nurse he had sucked. Bedside manners of an oaf, but whatever! In any case, we stayed there for a while and held his hand until other relatives came. I called my Mom to keep her updated. She unfortunately lives in FL and is in a complete frenzy. I tried to keep her calm to no avail. We went back there this morning and things have taken a turn for the worse. We met with the Neurologist (definitely no Dr. McDreamy, but hopefully still competent). He told us in so many words things didn’t look good. There is swelling in the brain. A little bit of bleeding and he’s has not seen the worse yet. The stroke was big. It took most of the left side of his brain. The language side. If he survives it, his life will not be the same. He’ll be bedridden, paralyzed on the right side, won’t be able to speak nor understand, and in general be less than he was before. It’s sombering. The next 96 hours are critical. He could die. His age doesn’t help. I had to call my Mom and give the news. The dreaded, dreaded news. I told her she needs to come out. She has no time off but was able to get emergency leave. Flying into Las Vegas so close to New Years is a pretty much impossible task, but she managed to pull some strings (she works for an airline so that helped). LOML and I are picking her up in a few minutes.

I am glad my parents made it out, but I am not happy about the circumstances. I am exhausted. I am trying to stay strong for my Mom and yet can’t help to see mortality so close by. I am not super close to my grandfather but was becoming closer. My Mom is so heartbroken and I don’t know what to do. I think of what it would be like if this happened to either my Mom and Dad and I start to tear up. I am trying to stay positive, but at the same time we have to be realistic. I really hate that word.

I spent the rest of the day cleaning the house and getting ready for guests. Since all my Aunts & Uncles live in LA, they’ll be streaming in soon and with New Years’ taking over the town accomodations will be hard to come by. I tried to get more rooms set up in case they are needed. It’s all so surreal. I hate how 2005 is trying to go out with such a vengeance. I am exhausted. I am sad. I am…I don’t know. I hope everyone else’s holiday is better than ours. Sorry for the long post but I figured I needed to make for the long dirth! I hope my next one will be cheerier though I have a feeling it won’t. If you have some prayers to spare, please say some for my grandfather. He’s a fighter and we are not ready for him to leave us. Thank you in advance!

All righty, I have to get ready to pick up the parents! Goodnight!

PS I apologize for any grammatical or spelling errors in this post. I don’t have time to read it over and make corrections! I hope it is still readable though and you get the general jist!

Posted in Hello, my name is Infertile, Dr. Bow Tie, Healthy Livin', 'Tis The Season, Everyday Livin', Relating | no comments | no trackbacks

$11, 700.00

Posted by Me Mon, 19 Dec 2005 23:19:00 GMT

That is the amount that was charged on our Credit Card today. Courtesy of Dr. Bow Tie. Lovely!

Yep, today was the day we pre-paid for IVF #2. Yikes! Fun-filled IVF Cycle here we come! I am still a bit freakd out.

I mean we went bright and early this morning (after double checking online that we had enough credit available on the card) to Dr. Bow Tie’s office. As we were approaching the office, I was starting to freak out a little. Not just because we were about to spend a nice chunk of change, but because I realized that I had to step into that office again. We are talking about the place that I relate to invasive (and often painful) procedures, prodding, poking, and endless bloodletting. Ulgh! My heart started to beat faster, knots started to build in my stomach, and overall a feeling of dread leapt to my chest that made it a little harder to breathe.

Yes, I am being dramatic but I did have a sudden uneasiness that swept over me with every turn the car took. I can’t help it. I am not over all the drama of this past year. 2005 was a sucky year and I am bit nervous about 2006 starting off from where we left off in 2005. Blech!

Ahh well, it is what it is. We decided to put in on our Hilton Amex since for every dollar we spend we get points towards Hilton Lodging. We figured if we are going to spend this dough we might as well get some perks for it. :)

In any case, once we got to the office, we went right up to the check-in person to get the thing over with. Luckily, it was all nice and painless. I didn’t even had to tell the Nurse at the window my name. She prepped the paperwork and took our payment. We were out of there in under 5 minutes! Quick and easy! It amazed me that she knew who I was without me telling her my name or her asking us. It’s actually a little scary. You know you have been at a place too much when everyone knows who you are without asking for your name. I mean I didn’t even know the Nurse’s name. I recognize her but none of the staff wear nametags so it’s really difficult to get to know all their names. And after being handed off from one to the other over and over again you just don’t get that opportunity to ask their name. You hope someone calls them and you finally find out. However, until that happens, you just smile and nod. :) The dilemma of being a patient at a big fertility facility.

So, the deed is done. We are signed up for another IVF in 2006. As of right now scheduled for late January. Fun, fun, fun!

Infertility SUCKS! No ifs or buts about it. It stinks! I don’t wish it on anyone. Right now, I am waiting for my period to appear. If I get one (which I think I am exhibiting some signs of its impending arrival), it should be here later this week. Yep, ladies and gentlemen, just in time for X-mas! I am so lucky! Most gals who are trying wish for a no-show period. I can’t have it that easy. I have to wish for it to come or else get ready to call the Dr and get some meds. It not coming never means I am pregnant. Not in my case. Oh no! It really really really bites! (Can you tell I am just slightly pissed about that fact?)

I am pissy. I am sad. I am annoyed. I am impatient. I am so frustrated with everything. Yes, either I am exhibiting PMS Symptoms or I am just a typical Infertile at X-mas Time. Whatever it is! I am tired. I am tired of being me. I am tired of what is ahead of me. Happy Happy Joy Joy! But…

IT IS WHAT IT IS, DAMMIT!

(promise I’ll be nicer in my next post! I really am working on not being such a depressive bitch! It’s part of my New Year’s Resolution!)

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To OPK or Not To OPK

Posted by Me Wed, 30 Nov 2005 03:06:00 GMT

Considering I am drug-free this month (no Birth Control Pills, no Femara, no Clomid, no Injectibles), I am sort of left to my own devices and hence my own body’s “anovulatory” state. Yes, the irony is not lost on me that my “body” is very much separate from “ME”. Let’s call her “Mildred”, shall we? Mildred is this entire other being with a mind of her own…because if we were one and the same wouldn’t she have gotten the clue by now that “WE” want to get pregnant and give birth to a healthy baby or two? I guess not. She’s got her own agenda which I am unfortunately not privy to it.

When I left Dr. BT’s office after my “What-went-wrong-with-the-IVF-cycle” consult, he told me to call them when I got my period. LOL What a concept! A period on my own! I haven’t had one of those since I don’t know when. I am pretty sure I will have to call the office and ask for a round of Provera to jumpstart a period. Fun, fun, fun!

However, since we are planning on trying just for fun (a concept foreign to anyone who finds themselves infertile), I decided to get some OPKs for the month to see if I do actually ovulate on my own by some miracle. I am curious to see if Mildred decides to play nice for once. I mean we are still doing it like rabbits, but I figure I haven’t had to pee on a stick in over a year and sort of miss the practice! ;) So, OPKs here I come.

Now, I have read on all the Trying To Conceive Message Boards as to when the optimal time for testing is but man, oh, man it is quite an art to decipher them. Again, why do people warn you so much back in the day to be careful when sleeping with someone in case you find yourself pregnant….because obviously it is NOT that easy. Goodness!

So, back to the stick it is. I started today and so far have not noticed a discernible difference between the “Surge Line” and the “Reference Line”. Admittedly, I have yet to see the “Surge Line” without squinting at the stick and holding it to the light just so. I mean you’d think the concept is pretty simple:

• Take stick out of package
• Take off cap
• With the tip facing downward, hold in urine stream for 5 seconds only
• With the tip still facing downward, replace cap and lay down flat on counter
• Wait 3 mins and see result

Sounds simple enough, right? Yeah, that’s what I thought too, but what they don’t tell you on the package is that you have to abstain from going to the bathroom for about 2-4 hours and test twice a day. Once in the early morning (not first morning urine, God forbid!) between the hours of 9am and 11am and then again in the early evening between the hours of 5pm and 7pm. Now, does that sound fun? I don’t think so. I mean this is part of the reason trying to conceive women are so nutty. Can anyone blame us? We are ruled by these little evil contraptions that make intelligent women yelp in agony. Talk about a sticky situation! Add to that the fact that women’s menstrual cycles all differ so the elusive “Ovulation Date” can occur anywhere from Day 14 to Day 22. It’s all a crapshoot. Don’t get me wrong I know some women have found these things extremely useful in achieving pregnancy but for an irregular and fertility-challenged girl like me, they have yet to prove to me they are worth the price.

So, who knows if and when I’ll ovulate this month. Regardless, LOML and I will just have some fun in the bedroom and maybe get lucky. You never know—Mildred may throw us a bone and decide to get with the plan! Weirder things have happened. ;)

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