Posted by Me
Fri, 09 Dec 2005 23:13:00 GMT
Or so I think at least! :) These past few days I have been working overtime to get some of this Holiday crap out of the way! (Can’t you tell I am so in the Holiday Spirit?!) In any case, it took some doing but I was able to cross things of my list! Yay.
X-mas Cards went out in the mail today (albeit some outstanding ones where I still need to procure new addresses!). According to my self-imposed schedule, the sent-off came early. :) I had planned on working on them this weekend and sending them out on Friday. Alas, I had some energy last night and just finished them off. Thank goodness!
All the presents have been bought. The ones that needed to be shipped – were shipped out yesterday and those that remain in town were all wrapped and are currently stacked in the Guest Room (away from the cats) looking pretty in their fancy wrapping paper! (Thank goodness for Costco!)
I picked up the dry cleaning for our party outfits. We are attending my Grandfather’s X-mas Party. He belongs to an Asian Organization in town and they have a holiday shindig this Sunday. We will be in attendance and my darling LOML even agreed to don a suit for the occasion! Yay! I love it when he wears the suit (which is oh so rare!). He looks so handsome in it. I plan on wearing a black skirt with a black sweater and red heels. Dressy but not too dressy. I think it’ll work! I am hoping the black will hide some of my fertility fat! LOL We shall see if my plan works! :)
So, overall I think we are on track. I have to get the house in order. Work on our business website, in addition to the client work that’s on my plate. It’s all good. I am just glad to have all this holiday stuff completed. It’s time-consuming so the sooner it is out of the way the better! :) Now, I can focus on the important things.
And though most of the X-mas consumerism is senseless and futile. I do like trying to find a little something that will make the recipient smile. It warms my heart to know I brightened their day. It’s not about the value of the present but the thoughtfulness. I am not good at just giving the “crap” present. You know a something that’s really generic? I like there to be some thought attached to the present. It makes the gift-giving harder, but I think more worthwhile. If I am adding more “stuff” to people’s lives I’d like it to be something they will appreciate and wouldn’t have bought themselves. :) So there ya’ go. Happy Holidays Everyone!
Posted in 'Tis The Season, Everyday Livin' | no comments | 1 trackback
Posted by Me
Thu, 08 Dec 2005 17:06:00 GMT
After 2 weeks of peeing on sticks, (Ovulation Predictor Kits, that is), the result is…NOTHING! Not a damn thing. The line is still very much non-existant or at least not what it is supposed to be. I was trying to be good and expect to be plesantly surprised when I tested twice a day. However, now I am curbing back my peeing-on-sticks obsession to just once a day (or admittedly none at all!). I mean it’s a futile process. I was just curious. I mean weirder things have happened, right? Obviously not to me, but still a girl can dream?
Well, Mildred (aka the name I call my body since it is truly this whole other entity) remains to be stubborn and sticking to her guns on this one. “I SHALL NOT OVULATE ON MY OWN!” she proclaimes so valiantly and I can sense her laughing every time I dutifully and conscientiously balance the pee-to-stick ratio. Damn her! She really can be a bitch sometimes!
Whatever! LOML and I are still having fun in the sack so all is not lost. My meds are arriving next week and we’ll be prepaying for IVF #2 next week as well. (for tax reasons). A cool $11,700. Fun stuff! Am I still nervous? Absolutely!!!! Do I keep pinching myself hoping this is all a bad dream a la Bobby from the good ole “Dallas” days – sure! I’d like to find myself waking up from this horrible infertility dream but as the bruises on my arms will tell me – Nah, no such luck! It’s real all right. Sucky but real.
In any case, it’s ok. We’ll figure things out. I am keeping busy with work, my chores, and all this Holiday hoopla! I am slowly working through the list that I have assembled making decent headway. So, there you go. Just gotta’ keep moving. What else is there to do?
Posted in Hello, my name is Infertile | no comments | no trackbacks
Posted by Me
Wed, 07 Dec 2005 20:02:00 GMT
LOML and I have been married for a little over a year. Though the infertility crap has made it a bit more challenging than we like, I have to say relationship-wise we are a-okay! He’s my best friend. My Love. MY LOML!
Despite how good things are we both have our spats here and there (moreso when I am unnaturally pumped with hormones, but that’s another story!). What normal couple doesn’t? However, in light of recent news of a friend’s impending divorce, it made me pause and ponder why some marriages last and some don’t. This past year I have heard of at least 3 (now 4) divorces. In all cases, the wives left their husbands or rather didn’t argue in the face of the dissolution of their marriage. It’s an interesting concept. I think in all cases the husbands didn’t really expect it. I mean some knew something was up but assumed it would take on a slower pace aka separate first and then eventually file for divorce. But, boy, where they wrong. When they openend up the conversations with their wives, their better halves didn’t waver a second but felt like “Why bother doing it slowly?” – “Let’s get on with it and make it final!”. Before their husbands could comprehend the enormity of it, their soon-to-be-exes already commissioned lawyers and had the papers drawn. Needless to say a lot of the “husbands” are still reeling from their wives’ (re)actions.
When a relationship ends, it’s sad no matter how it came to pass. The divorces I know about ended for all different reasons – cheating on the side of the spouse, growing apart, or whatever else may fall under “irreconcilable differences”. Some of these marriages lasted for 10 years… some for only 2. Some involve kids. Some don’t. But as said, regardless, it’s an unfortunate turn of events.
Relationships with anyone takes work. It takes effort and patience. LOML and I have had our share of challenges during our dating life and our current infertile predicament can certainly put its strains our our relationship if we let it. We try not to. We know we’re in it together and we’ll deal with whatever comes our way. We have both compromised and sacrificed for the other for the betterment of our relationship without any regrets.
However, it makes you wonder at what point in a relationship do you realize you are done. That’s it. No compromises can and will be made. Is it when you realize you don’t love the person anymore? You love someone else? Or is it something more mundane and simple like you just don’t see the point and are unwilling to put the other person first? You essentially grew apart. I know things end and people are constantly evolving so with that in mind it is natural for some things to change. My hope and goal is continue to adapt to whatever changes may occur in my marriage. Nothing is more important. And at this point at least, there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do to make it work. However, I don’t know the future and can only speak on how I feel right now. I do believe in fighting for the important things in life and just like I will endure intensely invasive procedures for the shot at motherhood I feel the same about going the distance when it comes to this marriage thing.
Posted in Hello, my name is Infertile, Everyday Livin', Relating | no comments | no trackbacks
Posted by Me
Tue, 06 Dec 2005 16:04:00 GMT
...So Are The Days of our Lives! Infamous line of this popular soap feels all to real these days!
I mean it is really crazy how little of this year is left. It went by really really fast. I measure time like everyone does – by the hours, days, weeks, months that tick by, but also find myself measuring it in other ways.
I used to belong to an online group of women who were trying to conceive about a year or 2 ago. I met them on ivillage and they are all wonderful ladies. I stopped checking in with them after pretty much all of them got pregnant and actually already gave birth to their little bundles of joy. The pain is acute. The happiness for their joy sincere. My heart aches though at the realization that I was left behind. We started at the same time. Same hopes. Same fears. However, they left me in the dust. They crossed the coveted baby line whereas I am still miles away from the Finish Line encountering all sorts of unimaginable obstacles along the way. I occasionally look into what’s going on. I don’t post anymore but see what everyone’s been up to once in a while. I have watched them from worrying about getting pregnant. To being pregnant. To now raising little beings. I know I have been at this game a while now, but seeing them and where they are I realize just how much time has passed. It’s crazy. It’s heart-breaking. Heart-breaking because I hate the race. I hate the journey and yet I can’t stop. I have no choice. I have options but none are viable or even acceptable at this point. I am thrilled for those who want to be pregnant and can without too many issues, but resentful at the same time. Why is it easy for one but not another!
Life is weird and getting weirder by the second. It’s no “soap” yet. When I get possessed by the Devil, I will worry but for now I think I’ll just keep chugging along.
Disclaimers: I used to watch “Days” eons ago, but am now a “General Hospital” gal. Though I admittedly haven’t watched any soap in ages. I mean why resort to that when my own life is chock full of drama, trial, and tribulations.
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Posted by Me
Mon, 05 Dec 2005 02:32:00 GMT
Ok, so I suck. It’s 6:30pm and I didn’t accomplish most that was on my list today. Ulgh! I hate that. Some tasks took me a lot longer than I had anticipated. Ahh, well!
I did accomplish ordering the corporate gifts. Prepping the packages for the UPS Store tomorrow. Calling my mother. And that’s where the list end. I failed to clean (we’ll have to live in this hovel for at least a day longer), write out more X-mas cards, wrap presents, and bake the scones!
Oh well, I had good intentions. I ended up working a bit with my LOML, spending more time on the packages and on the phone with family and friends. So overall it was a good and fairly productive day. It bums me out a bit that it is Sunday and tomorrow the work week starts again but it’s ok. I’ll manage. It’ll be a busy week, but when are weeks not busy? I am itching to finish some of the holiday tasks so I can get them off my list. They can be so distracting. We’ll see if I get to them.
I am looking forward to watching another episode of “Grey’s Anatomy” tonight. I LOVE that show. Great writing. Great acting…and what’s not to love about seeing Dr. McDreamy strut his stuff. I don’t think I have ever seen anyone make Scrubs look so good as Patrick Dempsey. :)
Posted in 'Tis The Season, Foodies Beware, Everyday Livin' | no comments | no trackbacks
