Having a Moment...

Me — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 19:49:20 -0700

...Where I catch myself and think “Wow, I am a Mom!” I find myself being caught off-guard at times when the realization hits that I am actually here. A Mom. The baby I am holding is my baby. My son and I get all teary and my heart swells up a million gazillion times.

Even if I am sleep-deprived and exhausted, I catch myself looking at him nodding off in my arms and realizing that I am finally here. After all the pain, the needles, the constant disappointment, I am here. I get to be the Mom. The one who gets excited when he finally poops (after days of nothing but stinky farts! LOL). The one who cheers when he manages a 30 min nap in his crib WITHOUT crying and then a 4 hour consecutive window at night. The one people hand him over to when he gets fussy and say “He wants his Mommy” and you realize they are right ‘cuz he settles down right away. The one who melts every time he flashes you a killer smile when your eyes meet.

I have dreamt of these moments for as long as I can remember and for a while there I didn’t think it would ever happen – resigning myself to potentially never being a Mom. I know at times the hormones and sleep-deprivation get the better of me, but not for a single moment am I not grateful to be where I am. It’s tough at times I won’t deny it and I have so many self-doubts about my abilities in this new role. However, ultimately it comes down to the fact that I have the family I always wanted and I consider myself so incredibly lucky. I still can’t believe that this year finally I can celebrate Mother’s Day as a Mom and not dread the day due to another failed IVF Cycle where hopes where slashed once again.

Anyways – I am rambling. :) I just still can’t believe it sometimes that I am actually a Mom.

Hope everyone had a lovely weekend and a good start of the week. My weekend was plagued with boob issues (on-going), irregular naps (still happening), short day feeds due to distraction (too much to see to actually stop and eat!) and loads of night waking (yep, still got those). Yet, on the same note, lots of giggles, coos, smiles, and cuddles. So, all in all a pretty great weekend! :)

Trying Conception: Having a Moment...

Having a Moment...